Riding in Pennsylvania

Right, this post is especially for my English-reading friends Don and Karen Meteny, and Sharon. I promised them I’d write some of my posts in English so that they too can share the emotions behind those “squarely” characters which I wrote so far.

I remembered one day when I gave Sharon my blog address, she replied to me with a long phone message after logging onto her comp, “Alamak, it is in Mandarin. I was looking forward to reading thoughts and inspirations. The auto translation did not bring forth the emotions and expressions. Maybe one day you can write in English. Having a life threatening illness can bring out the ultra best in a person and who knows a new lease of life is born and awaits greater greatness.”

I wasn’t sure if there would be greater greatness or was there any greatness in the first place, but I do know I was instead moved by her words of encouragement.

The next thing I did was of course to try out the translator in the internet to understand what she claimed. I burst into laughter after seeing the translated text. Trust me, it was horrendous.

Don and Karen Meteny, the lovely couple, are my American friends. Don and I worked in the same factory while I was posted to Pennsylvania in 2001 and 2002. The factory, which manufactured CRTs and assembled CTVs, was located in a small, quite town near Pittsburgh.

There was Mr Tatebe, my Japanese boss, too. Tatebe and I were posted at the same time to take care of the shipping and logistics department of this gigantic factory. Don was a Line Coordinator then, responsible for one of the shift in the Logistics Department.

I still remembered vividly that Tatebe and I were so overwhelmed by the mounting problems facing the operations when we arrived; the manager just left the company before we could officially take over, the new system was implemented half-way, the cargoes layout was in disarray, the stock counts always did not tally, the ever-demanding President in New Jersey was expecting results every other month, just to name a few.

Fortunately for both of us, the staff members were supportive. I must admit that without the strong showing from Don and other key members, I wouldn’t have survived the two years stay in Pittsburgh. The work was hard and the expectations were high, but at the end of the day, what remained were only sweet memories and real friendship. On reflection years later, the achievements and experience I could attain in those two years weighed far greater than what I’d get in the following few years in my career.

More importantly, I’d learnt a great deal from Don and my fellow colleagues about what Americans’ values truly are. I came to know of many humble, hardworking, down-to-earth people, especially in small towns like where I was posted, where a few big factories supported the economy lifeline of the entire town. The people there worked 24/7; many couples worked different shifts so that they could take turns to look after their young children. When a factory downsized or closed down, many were not able to find alternative jobs within a short time. That’s also why I could fully sympathize the feeling of the ordinary folks when Mr Obama remarked on some small-town Pennsylvanians as "bitter" people who "cling to guns and religion" during the 2008 Democratic Campaign.

I emailed to Don the other day, telling him how I dreamt to retire in Pennsylvania. I'd love to buy a small house next to Don and Karen. Each year, Mak (my husband) and I would spend the summer and fall with Don and Karen in that little town called Scottdale. Don would give me a motorbike ride on Highway 76. Riding on a motorbike in Pennsylvania is one of the most marvelous things one can do in summer . Yes, I’ll add this to my “Must-Do” list.

生死有命，富贵由天

在家养病，虽然百般无聊，心境却从不曾如此平静过，多年来也从不曾如此清闲过。

睡觉已用去了我许多时间，醒来后又要忍受那伤口的不适。单洗个澡便要花费不少力气与时间。

吃呢，对癌症病人来说，竟成了一门大学问。手术过后，我是越吃越简单，味觉也越来越淡了。

午后，切一壶茶，在沙发上斜躺着，听着院子里传来潺潺的流水声，望着窗外的树和随风作响的绿叶，还有那些挂满枝头的皱皮柠檬，我享受着片刻的宁和。

此刻方能细听自然、细看自然。是啊，人生莫若过客，转瞬间，就会化为尘土，回归自然。

起身向门窗外望，看到那随风扬起的沙砾，在马路上跌跌撞撞，感觉这小沙砾之前或许是个生命。有一天，我也会像这沙砾一样，随风飘泊，落下来了，便肩负起孕育大地的重任。

至今才明白，为何当年释迦佛祖须费毕生之力，去透悟生老病死。

既要死，何必生？何以病？何以老？无切肤之痛，何来深切感受？原来都是一场梦。

冰心曾说，“我以为领略人生，要如滚针毡，用血肉之躯去遍挨遍尝，要它针针见血！离合悲欢，不尽其致时，觉不出生命的神秘和伟大。”我一场病，说不上遍挨遍尝，却也见针见血了。

在职场上拼搏了二十年，离职后还想自闯一番事业，原本打算做到六十岁才言退休，退休后才开始执笔。

如今那顺序要调一调了，等到六十岁才写，恐怕等不及了。

我休息了一个多星期，才约了两位挚友—佩娥和丽芳，在东海岸的麦当劳茶餐厅，向她们娓娓道来我这一个多月来的人生转折。我慨叹：“生死有命，富贵由天。”

是啊，生命既由不得我做主 （我又何曾主宰过？），那接下来的生活，只好尽人事了。当然，还莫要忘了及时行乐。

与命运赌一把

二次手术，我再世为人。

谁又会想到，几天前的我，曾与命运赌一把。我不愿服输，把所有赌注都押上去了，为的就是逼对手掀底牌 ——我急切地想知道它到底有几张王牌。

在光和孩子的支持下，我下了一局定输赢的决心。

在手术台上躺了八个小时，换来一个珍贵的答案。

结果是我没输，因为对手竟然没有王牌，却也没全赢，因为我后来才领悟，人毕竟是血肉之躯，是由万亿个细胞组成的，这些细胞每天都在变，会变好，也会变坏。

这是一场长线之战，不是一个手术就能了结的。

而那珍贵的答案也为我日后的疗程铺平了道路。

第二次手术

2008年12月30日至2009年1月8日

聆听何医生解释化验报告∶万幸，癌细胞并未扩散。不过，还须做淋巴测验，方能确定。

也征询了妇科陈医生的意见，因为切除卵巢可减低乳癌复发率。

我于1月8日再入手术房。两个手术同一天进行，我在手术台上躺了八个小时，能醒过来，只觉是奇迹。想来死也不过如此，若不醒，就此长眠，确实是没什么感觉，痛苦的只是身边的人。

难为光和两个孩子，在手术房外焦虑等候，还以为是出事了。

1月7日动手术的前一天，办妥一切繁杂事务后，我到过四马路观音庙去祈福，这是我的习惯了。每每在人生路上遇到转折而又拿捏不定时，都会到观音庙上香。仿佛到过后心里就会有了平静，有了接受任何结果的勇气。

从手术房出来时，已是晚上九点半了。何医生说淋巴没受影响，大家都松了一口气。

折腾了两个多星期，虽然受了极大的皮肉之痛，此刻心情最好。

我在医院住了四个晚上，第二天最为辛苦。血压久低不升，输血后才稳住，护士们每隔一个钟便来验这验那，搞得我睡没好睡。

第三天便能下床，晚上洗过头后，感觉精神多了。晓蔚笑问：“是不是有回到文明的感觉啊？”

是啊，蓬头垢面了几天，除了家人，基本上谢绝访客。Sharon下午说要来，拗不过她，让她来了。我还能坐着与她聊了整个钟呢！

第五天出院时，还提着两个罐子，两条管子接到左右伤口，把体内积水抽到罐子里。虽然如此，医生还是让我出院了。